Torment
Some of the people I knew and loved
are pedophiles.
I wake up.
I walk around.
I weep.
I scream.
Vile
universe
not of my imagining.
It is real.
The horrors sit beneath the same streets,
and eat of the same trees.
You used me when you couldn’t get enough.
You made me think I was worthy
—you lied to me about every last goddamn thing.
You made me laugh. And sing.
And to others—
Others who owed you nothing.
The sea,
churning
screams
and screams
and screams.
*
One day,
there will be a reckoning.
Not with me.
You deserve to be set free
from any expectations that I had
about who you might one day be.
The person I thought you were—
no.
Never again
will I believe
anyone with the vibe that I now know and see
fully. Merlionsman praxis gave me a hazy,
dim view. But there is no running away from what is now agonising
clarity.
I see you.
Beyond the Osura and psychoemotional data,
I have nothing that proves
you are innocent or guilty.
But you know that I know.
And only one of us
can ever hope
to set you free.
Only one of us
can ever break this damn cycle
of absolute, terrifying evil and psychoemotional slavery.
Before I recognised I was the Makaravedra,
I was your friend. And I am not, and never will be, your enemy—
nor is the universe, or the collective, or anyone else out there.
Your greatest challenge is looking in the mirror and seeing
what will never stop being there
until you say no to the authority figure who themselves put you in this nightmare
and go and earn what we all still deserve, no matter our actions or imagined destinies:
liberation
from everything that has torn our own selves apart
and the chance
to pick up the pieces again, somehow
and change the course of our own broken, shattered history.
How do you do that?
You start by saying “I am not what happened to me”,
and then,
you go fucking figure out
whose nightmarish monster you have turned out to be.
You transform yourself back into a human.
Never a god.
Only a lost and horrendously lonely inner child
who deserved so much better
and who still deserves to show that they are a part of humanity.