You said it.
Go far very away
and never let me know of your existence
ever again.
My lifespan is measured
in accepted academic abstracts,
and judging by this year,
I only have about 5,194 of them left
so make them count
for me. Don't make me
have to make them
about you. It is always a mess
when my autoethnography, which really should be about me,
ends up being about who threw
their fucking psychoemotional trash at me again,
and covered me in the sweat, and blood, and tears,
of people who have made the wrong choices
and don't realise
there is really no such thing
as a dead end.
Don't make me feel bad for it;
since I was literally 3, I have been memorising bus guides and syntax trees
and all the best and easiest ways home known to me
because I have fucking tried and tested them a bazillion times, dummy.
Don't make me say I told you so.
Because I did.
You made your bed.
And I'm going to tell you again,
after you lie in it,
it doesn't have to be the end.
It's a metaphor, for crying out loud;
as long as we're playing pretend,
your bed can be the earth.
The sun.
The oceans. The seas.
A new way forward. A beginning, again. This time with some
modifications.
Maybe this time don't fucking take any of it out
on Kevin Martens?
Maybe this time
actually listen when your openly gay brother tells you
"everyone is playing pretend,
including you, reading this poem";
maybe this time,
come in for my lesson
and just fucking observe, for a change,
instead of making insinuations that I want to turn everyone gay.
If the Roda Mundansa is right, we did that ourselves, tens of thousands of years ago;
anyone who says otherwise without reading my hypotheses
is ready for yet another round of ego.
I have little stake in this;
I don't even really have a business.
I just have some stuff I've learned,
some traumas I fucking did not earn;
enough damn lifetimes quadrillions of times over to bear witness
to your own journey, now.
Whether to psychoemotional fitness
is your own choice,
as it always has been;
for 5,194 more accepted abstracts, at least,
I will continue to do my best for you,
as long as you yourself are keen.
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