How many worlds did you think I would have to create
before I found the strength to fight back, to resist, to stand here and say:
I will not stop until you respect me.
I will not stop until you set me free
from this life I never wanted, from this harbour of pseudo-chastity;
I will not stop until you let me be
everyone I deserved to see
in my dreams;
every single last fantasy.
Every last peace of me
I have left on the page, on the stage, and in poetry.
I am Naufal Jazair, first Merlionsman of the Republic of Singapore,
and I am his brother Muhammad Nabhan, last of her great Anthroponauts.
I am Alexander Arauzu and his future husband, Poseidon “Posey” Ho;
I am Dash the first Dreamtiger, and I am Kevin Jerome Rozario.
I am made of Merlionsmuscle, and of the paradise of Pochi;
I am Nahuel Perenna, remembering Mr Tessensohn’s destiny.
I am the last Figurang of the Eastern Islands of Pulau Ujong,
and I am Prince Haidar, Quing of the Merlion’s dawning song.
I am Muhammad Namir, therianthropartist, and his lover Arif “Arfie” Afzal;
I am Nelson, and Aqil, and Mars and Ulisses, jenti-jenti di Keramat Kristang sa Bangsal.
I am Triton Alkandra, still waiting on the world to change
And I am Bahana the Merlion, behind the lightning, and thunder and rain.
This is pain, and sorrow;
this is 102 pages of yesterday, today and tomorrow
condensed into everything that follows:
a dream, a spirit of the depths, an Orange Book made of big furry arms and a huge beautiful treasure chest:
a sense of wonder, and a time like no Other.
A space for all the rest.
You wanted me to work myself to death,
so I would never do my best to find
a family. A community. A place that I could call mine.
And I didn’t.
I didn’t do my best at all.
Gaia, and the Universe did the rest.
I just took the fall,
and the fury, and the fire.
What is left is just the beginning, because now I know
I will never tire.