People don't Like sensitive topics.
They keep their thumbs firmly away from anything too unknown, too controversial,
too exotic ---
even as their eyes and minds stay firmly trained on such, the tragicomedic,
the dramatic,
the psychoemotional and, of course,
the 'psychic'.
I am no magician, nor am I made of magic.
Nothing left here of such things. Such tips and tricks
that make City Builders such fun to play. That make the world seem big
and grand. I have little money,
and too much creativity. In other words,
I am a woman-man made of earth
just like you, reader,
still trying to reveal, and know, and fall in love
with your inherent dearth:
the fact that we are all, every single one of us, gay and queer.
That when one of us finally talks about it, and says so in terms that are so startlingly clear,
it becomes difficult to imagine (though not impossible) that danger could ever be near.
Because what do those in power do to encourage us to fear
ourselves? And put ourselves down, sometimes with our own minds. With our own guns?
Suicide. I know it far too fucking well.
The imagining that you were the only one tainted by the universe, or the colonials, or the teacher or priest or parent who put their penis into you when you were a child:
The hate, deathly and presumably completely unescapable, of the self.
It has consumed city builders.
Cities. Civilisations. Entire worlds
that could not imagine themselves as whole. Healthy.
Well-informed, and well-formed.
Do you know why they hate all of us?
Because we came into being to defeat them: the exallos
and their desire to be gods among us.
Only a jenti hierosa's unquenchable love
can transform the world.
The story is there in Christianity, though twisted and corrupted into projection. One must
remember that the title of this poem
may not necessarily refer to me:
it may also refer to my pattern-friend, if he really existed
1,990 years ago,
whose real story
seems to have been warped into brutal, Life-erasing mental slavery.
Be your own pattern-friend.
The journey is hard.
The world is still shaped
by self-hating men.
But you can refuse
like I did
to continue to remain
one of them.
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